The place where most men refused to change - believed themselves unable to change - was in their emotional lives.

Men in patriarchal culture responded to feminist demand for greater equity in the work world and in the sexual world by making room, by sharing the spheres of power. The male bashing that was so intense when contemporary feminism first surfaced more than thirty years ago was in part the rageful cover-up of the shame women felt not because men refused to share their power but because we could not seduce, cajole, or entice men to share their emotions - to love us.īy claiming that they wanted the power men had, man-hating feminists (who were by no means the majority) covertly proclaimed that they too wanted to be rewarded for being out of touch with their feelings, for being unable to love. To speak our hunger for male love would demand that we name the intensity of our lack and our loss.

And yet we dare not speak it for fear we will be mocked, pitied, shamed. Our collective hunger is so intense it rends us. We live in a culture where emotionally starved, deprived females are desperately seeking male love. If she is heterosexual she wants the love of a male partner. Whether gay or straight, bisexual or celibate, she wants to feel the love of father, grandfather, uncle, brother, or male friend. Every woman wants to love and be loved by the males in her life. ExcerptĮvery female wants to be loved by a male. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves-and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. But toxic masculinity punishes those fundamental emotions, and it’s so deeply ingrained in our society that it’s hard for men to not comply-but hooks wants to help change that. In The Will to Change, bell hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are-whatever their age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving. From the New York Times bestselling author of All About Love, a brave and astonishing work that challenges patriarchal culture and encourages men to reclaim the best part of themselves.Įveryone needs to love and be loved-even men.

The will to change masculinity and love